


Building Blocks

by AlekPixi



Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Aftercare, Angst, BDSM, Bad Communication, Blindfolds, Bondage, Choking, Crying, D/s, Egobang - Freeform, Flashback, Frustration, HOW TO DO HEALTHY BDSM AND HOW NOT TO, Hair Pulling, Handcuffs, LOTS AND LOTS OF AFTERCARE, M/M, Mistrust, Orgasm Denial, Panic Attacks, Past Sexual Abuse, ShipGrumps, Spanking, Subspace, Trust Issues, bad previous experiences, kinda dubcon if you squint but not really?, mentions of egoflaptor, minor self-harm, past trauma, rope, straight up lying, tied up, vibrator-play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-22 12:33:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7439515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlekPixi/pseuds/AlekPixi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It takes time to build up trust. Time and effort from both sides."<br/>Arin and Dan have been happily together for a while when Arin brings up doing BDSM. Dan complies, despite having bad previous experiences with it, but the scenes trigger memories he thought he'd buried long ago. Can Arin get Dan to trust him, or will their jenga-tower tumble to the ground?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Building Blocks

**Author's Note:**

> This was done for the Game Grumps Big Bang.  
> Thank you to my lovely beta-readers: Jess, Madi, and Park. You rock!  
> Link to the AMAZING music mix for this fic, made by grumpycoily on tumblr (amandroid on AO3): http://tinyurl.com/zehc3ns  
> Link to the AWESOME art for this fic, made by lygertrash on tumblr: http://tinyurl.com/zz5kbbw  
> If you want to know more about BDSM/aftercare/subdrop etc., or want to see the inspiration I used for this fic, check out my tumblr tag "Building Blocks" here: http://tinyurl.com/j23sc4f

Dan wasn’t sure how he had gotten into this mess again. He’d sworn he would never say yes to something like this _ever_ again, but fuck, how could he resist when Arin looked at him with those big, brown eyes?  
It had started as just another make-out session on the grump couch after recording. Nothing too hot and heavy - the couch was off-limits to anything more than kissing (a rule Suzy had instated after Arin and Dan had hooked up, and which they _tried_ to follow), when Arin had pulled back from the kiss, all blushy and fidgety, like he had something embarrassing to say. Dan had smiled and somehow convinced him to _just spit it out, man, how bad can it be? We’re already fucking each other in the ass._  
Arin had chuckled, rubbing his neck, averting his eyes as he’d mumbled, _yeah, but what if I wanted something a little more fucked up than that?_  
And in that moment, Dan knew, of course he knew. After all, he’d been there before, himself. But he had still allowed Arin to suggest it - spicing up their sex, not that it was bad, but…  
Arin hadn’t told anyone but Suzy, but he sometimes went to a BDSM club in downtown LA. He’d done it ever since they’d moved to California, and he liked to dominate others in bed.  
_It doesn’t have to be anything too kinky right away, dude,_ he’d assured Dan. _I’m not gonna bring out a whip or anything crazy like that on your first try as a sub._  
Dan had cut him off then, hoping Arin hadn’t noticed how he twitched uncomfortably when he mentioned the whip. Instead, he had asked, _Who says it would be my first time as a sub?_  
He should have just said no. He should have flat out refused, and that would be the end of it, but Dan didn’t want to disappoint Arin. He didn’t want to lose him.  
So he had told him the truth, or most of it, anyway: that when he’d lived in an apartment with eleven other dudes in Philadelphia and spent most of his money on weed, he’d subbed for a few dommes.  
Arin had stared wide-eyed at him before breaking into a grin, expressing his relief, saying that then it was settled; they were totally gonna do this.  
Dan had swallowed, feeling his stomach churn, as he’d mumbled, _sure, totally._

And so, he found himself a few days later, pacing his room nervously, one hand repeatedly running through his hair to try and calm himself down. Arin had texted him that he’d a scene planned for tonight, if Dan was up for it, and how could he say no? He just couldn’t - Arin counted on him. He couldn’t let him down. He couldn’t say no.  
“It’s gonna be okay, Dan,” he breathed, mumbling to himself so Barry wouldn’t hear him, sitting down on his large bed. He needed to take a shower to prepare himself, and put on his best pair of underwear, and make sure he’d had something to eat, before…  
He buried his face in his hands, taking another shaky breath.  
“Calm down. It’s not gonna be like back then. This time it’s different. It _has_ to be.”

Dan showed up at Arin and Suzy’s house smelling of shampoo.  
Or, at least, that’d be what Arin would smell on him - he was pretty sure Mochi and Mimi would be able to smell the fear radiating out of him.  
Arin and Suzy were still together, but it was an open relationship, and Suzy was very cool about Dan dating her husband. Arin had told him that she would be out of the house for the night, which left them to do as they pleased.  
Dan sat in the car for a bit, staring at his shaking hands as they gripped the steering wheel, knuckles turning white as the skin stretched over them. Arin had promised him they wouldn’t be doing anything super rough; it had been a while since he had dommed anyone and he wanted to ease himself into it again. Dan was grateful for that. He hadn’t subbed in years. He hadn’t been ready yet. Maybe he still wasn’t.  
He finally mustered up the courage to go up and ring the doorbell. Arin opened, and Dan immediately noticed that he was wearing the cologne he’d gotten from Dan on his birthday. He couldn’t help but smile as he walked in. The house looked as it always did - Mochi hurried over and demanded butt-pats from him, and Dan gladly obliged, kneeling on the floor as both he and Arin laughed at the stupid cat who was happily purring.  
And then Arin crouched down behind Dan, hot breath tickling his ear.  
“I bet I could spank you better,” he murmured. Dan tensed up before forcing a laugh - Arin chuckled as well, but it was deep and husky, as he slowly fell into his dom-mode.  
“How about we move into the bedroom?” he suggested, although there was a certain edge to his voice, clearly signaling that it was not an offer Dan should refuse.  
Dan nodded, trying to force himself to relax, which was a lot more difficult than it sounded, as he trailed behind Arin.  
_Come on, Avidan, you’ve had sex with him before. It’s no big deal, it’s just kink, calm down, he repeated over and over in his mind._  
The bedroom was lit up like Arin had raided a candle store, and the heater was turned up, making the room toasty warm. The blinds were drawn, and Arin closed the door to keep the cats out, effectively sealing the room off from the outside world.  
He then turned to look at Dan, who stood awkwardly to the side. Arin looked him in the eyes and pointed.  
“Go sit on the bed,” he said, not as a full order but enough to make Dan obey immediately, old habits already kicking in. He expected Arin to be on top of him immediately, to do whatever he pleased, but Arin just sat calmly next to him, hands in his lap.  
“So, first we gotta settle on a safe word, and a slow-down word. Anything you would prefer?” he asked. Dan squirmed, looking down at the veins in his arms.  
“Um, _circus_ is the one they use in most of Europe, and it had kinda spread to the kink circles in Philly back when I did this, ‘cuz there were a lot of foreigners for a while...” he said, voice low, eyes downcast. Arin nodded in thought.  
“So, circus as our stop-safe word. That’s cool. What about the one for slowing down?”  
“I… We never had one of those,” Dan admitted. Arin made a noise of surprise.  
“Seriously?” As Dan shook his head, the younger man shrugged, “Well, I guess not everybody uses that. But I’d like it if we had one. How do you like _pineapple_?”  
Dan looked at him funnily.  
“It makes my mouth hurt when I… Oh,” Dan exclaimed, earning a laugh from Arin and feeling a little more at ease. “Yeah, sure, I guess. _Pineapple_ means _slow down_.”  
Arin nodded, smiling as he saw Dan relax his shoulders. He knew it had been a while since Dan subbed, and this was with a new partner, so it was understandable that the not-so-grump would be a little nervous.  
“Okay, now, about the actual shit that’s gonna go down; are there any definite no-no’s? Any triggers? Stuff I should avoid?” he asked, but Dan shook his head.  
He’d learned that there wasn’t a point in telling those kind of things. He didn’t expect Arin to adhere to them anyway.  
“You sure? Everyone usually has at least one thing,” Arin asked, frowning. Dan shook his head, earning a sigh and a shrug. “Well, for me, I guess it’s pretty simple; no piss, no scat. Please don’t call me daddy, either, that one’s always freaked me out. Master or sir is fine, though.”  
Dan nodded, making sure to remember these so that he wouldn’t get into trouble later, rolling his shoulders to settle in while Arin pondered if there was anything he had forgotten to ask.  
“I guess that’s it, then. I’m guessing we’re just gonna take it from here,” he finally concluded, looking at Dan with a raised brow. “Dude, you look fuckin’ ready to bolt. Are you sure about this?” he asked. Dan nodded frantically, coming up with a lie that it had just been a while.  
Arin nodded, and Dan could almost see his eyes growing darker. It was as if Arin’s whole demeanor changed, his posture, his expression…  
“Take your clothes off, then,” he ordered. Dan started pulling off his socks while Arin got up from the bed, walking to the bedside table and rummaging in a drawer. He glanced over at Dan.  
“Faster.”  
Dan obliged, shedding his clothes at top speed, placing them in a somewhat neat bundle on the floor next to the bed. He heard the clink of metal from where Arin stood, and looked up.  
Arin had tied his hair back, and looked at Dan, nodding in approval of his nakedness. In his hands, he held two pairs of handcuffs.  
For a second, he broke character, asking, “This OK with you?”, to which Dan nodded. He’d tried handcuffs before. He remembered sore, chafed wrists and his arms going numb, but tried to shake it off.  
Arin ordered him onto the bed, on his back. He took Dan’s hands and clasped a cuff around each wrist, the other around the headboard, before he looked at Dan and broke character again.  
“This OK?”  
Dan gave him a look of disbelief. Why did Arin keep asking if it was okay?  
“Uh, yeah, it’s fine,” he stammered, dumbfounded. Arin gave a curt nod, switching back to his dom side.  
Dan was on top of the covers, but the room’s temperature was warm enough. Still, he couldn’t stop the goosebumps from littering his arms as Arin straddled him.  
“Now, I’ll only let you out of those if you’re a good boy. Is that clear?” he asked in that low, dark voice.  
Dan nodded, but Arin tsk’ed at that.  
“Answer me, Daniel. Are we clear?”  
“Y-yes…” Dan said, awfully aware of Arin’s hot skin on either side of his waist.  
“Yes, _what_?” Arin growled.  
“Yes, sir. I’m sorry, sir.”  
Arin nodded again, small satisfied smile showing on his lips.  
“That’s better.”  
Without further ado, Arin connected his mouth with Dan’s, and as they made out, Arin started touching Dan’s shaft, slowly fondling his balls with one hand while the other rubbed against one of Dan’s nipples, making the pink nub swell as Dan became more aroused, almost even forgetting the handcuffs around his wrists. Arin knew all of Dan’s sweet spots from the times they’d had more vanilla sex, and he was using this knowledge to get Dan hard as fast as possible.  
“Now, Daniel,” he purred, reaching behind him. Dan hadn’t noticed the other items on the bed before now. He had to crane his neck in order to see what Arin had in his hands, but then he felt it, and he immediately recognized the sensation of a cockring being slid down his shaft.  
Arin looked at him with that stern look again.  
“I’m in control of when you come. Understand? I’ve secured your hands, but if you try to touch your dick in any way in order to come before I allow you, I’m going to punish you. No touching it with your legs or against the bed or anything like that,” he said before diving down between Dan’s legs. He started to kiss his inner thighs, alternating between small pecks, biting, and licking the sore spots that his teeth left. He knew from previous experience that this could drive Dan crazy, and sure enough, Dan felt the warmth spread from where Arin’s mouth touched him. Arin nibbled at Dan’s skin, letting his wet tongue trail up and down, sometimes moving his mouth close to Dan’s cock and breathing warmly on it, making Dan whine as he wanted more, but Arin never touched it, instead content on teasing his partner.  
Arin then reached for a bottle of lube - jesus, how many things had he placed at the foot of the bed while Dan wasn’t looking? - and slid a hand under one of Dan’s asscheeks, raising him up slightly to gain better access. He started lubing up Dan’s entry, making sure he was nice and slick, before dipping a finger in.  
Dan’s breath hitched at the sudden sensation. Arin felt how hot and tight Dan’s ass was, before sliding out a little, lubing up another finger and pushing both of them in, stretching his sub. It was going a lot faster than their usual sex, where Arin would take his time and make sure Dan was well-stretched before adding another finger.  
He started scissoring, earning a moan from Dan as he felt his walls being stretched.  
“You want more of that, huh?” Arin asked in a low growl.  
“Yes, sir,” Dan whined from up on the pillows. He could picture how Arin would be smirking behind him.  
“Well, then I guess you better start begging,” Arin said as nonchalantly as possible, pulling the two fingers out agonizingly slow. The lack of something stretching him made Dan whine, clenching his now agonizingly empty ass, and the lack of Arin’s fingers made it easier for him to beg.  
“Please master, please fill me up, I need your big cock inside of me,” he pleaded, feeling his dick throb already, but still balancing on his sub-act, not ready to give in completely.  
A moment passed as he could hear the clanking of Arin’s belt buckle, and the sound of clothes being pulled down. Then another beat, as Arin lubed himself up, and then -  
Dan moaned loudly as Arin entered him, slowly sliding in all the way.  
“You like that, huh?”  
“Yes, oh god, please-”  
Arin pulled out all the way to the tip of his dick, before roughly slamming it back in, making Dan exhale forcefully, moaning at the sudden sensation. Arin started thrusting, his dick going deeper and searching for Dan’s sweet spot with each pound.  
Dan’s dick demanded attention, but Arin didn’t pay it any, and it made Dan squirm, trying to somehow create some sort of friction, if he could just angle his thighs or something to get some relief-  
“What’s this?” he heard Arin chastise, and immediately Dan tensed up, feeling the blood run cold in his veins.  
A second later, Arin’s hand collided with Dan’s face as he slapped his cheek, the blow stinging and making Dan’s ear ring. Dan gasped from the suddenness of it. He knew what was coming next, and he absolutely dreaded it, memories of harsh punishment flashing before his inner eye.  
“Looks like you’re being a _bad_ boy, Daniel. Didn’t I say you couldn’t do anything to touch your cock? Hm?” He leaned down towards Dan’s face. Dan could feel the hot breath against his stinging skin as Arin stared him down.  
“Or maybe you _want_ me to punish you?” he growled. “Is that it, Daniel? Need me to spank you for being a rule breaker?”  
Dan felt himself shiver, cuffs rattling their metal chains - but it wasn’t from arousal. Still, he knew what Arin expected of him.  
“Y-yes, master…” he said, voice breaking, dreading what was about to happen.  
He knew that any other person in his situation, feeling like he did, would have said their safe word by now.  
But why should he? It wasn’t like it mattered, anyway.  
And so, he obeyed when Arin unchained the cuffs so that he could turn to lie on his stomach before being chained again.  
At least now, he could hide his face in the pillow. It smelled like Suzy, so he did his best not to cover it in snot as he silently cried, voice betraying him, making him say that yes, he wanted more, every time Arin landed an open-palmed hit on him, making him apologize for not obeying. It seemed to go on forever - Dan didn’t even count the strikes, just hoping that it would stop soon. Each time a blow hit him, he felt as if his entire core was being hurt. The strokes weren’t as hard as he’d expected them to be, but they still hurt too much. A small part of him - a very small part - was screaming at him to say the goddamn safe word, but past experience told him that it would probably only make things worse. He tried to push those thoughts away and just focus on the pain from Arin’s hands. It was better than getting lost in old memories.  
He couldn’t help but think back to when he’d agreed to do this, figuring he’d brought it upon himself. But if Arin wanted to do this, there was no way Dan was gonna say no. He didn’t want to risk losing Arin. He would go to the end of the earth for his boyfriend. And besides, it wasn’t like he hadn’t been through this before. Surely, he could do it again.  
When Arin finally decided that Dan had been punished enough, he settled a hand in Dan’s hair, fingers tangling in the curly locks.  
“That’s what you get for being a bad boy, Daniel. Now, where were we…?” he asked rhetorically, positioning his dick and pushing in again, but this time it wasn’t slowly like before; it was rough and forceful, and he pulled Dan’s head backwards by the hair with one hand, the other gripping onto the naked man’s thigh, nails scratching the taut skin until it was red and puffy.  
This sent waves of what felt like electricity through Dan’s body, directly to his cock. Arin knew all of his turn ons - hair pulling and sensitive thighs, amongst others - and was catering to them as he fucked Dan from behind. Dan felt a spot right under his navel grow tight and hot, and he knew he was already close to coming, but he knew that he wasn’t allowed to until Arin said yes. He didn’t want to risk breaking the rules again.  
He knew what he had to do.  
“M-master, please, please let me come, please-” he begged, feeling Arin hitting his prostate over and over again and not being able to get his release, his hands gripping the pillow tightly, shaking from the waves of physical pleasure mixed with the unease of his mind as a single tear ran down his still reddened cheek.  
Arin was also nearing his climax, his dick relishing in the warm friction from the walls inside of Dan.  
“Really? After being a bad boy and not following my rules, you expect me to let you come?” he grunted, pulling at Dan’s hair even harder. By now his scalp was actually hurting in a not-good way, but Dan didn’t want to use their slow-down word, didn’t believe it would work anyway. His eyes were watering from the pain, a sharp contrast to his twitching cock.  
“Please, sir, I learned my lesson,” Danny pleaded in a high pitched voice.  
This earned him a hard pull on his hair. He cried out at the pain.  
“Are you questioning me? Are you seriously trying to negotiate with your master?” Arin questioned him. Dan frantically started apologizing, absolutely sure he’d screwed up. Arin hummed at this, seemingly pleased.  
“You’re a bad boy, but you made a good point, Daniel,” he said, moving his hand from Dan’s thigh to his cock, stroking it lightly. Dan almost convulsed under Arin’s touch, finally getting the stimulation he’d been craving.  
“Please-”  
“It’s okay, Daniel. Come for me. Let me see you break under me.”  
That was all Dan needed. The cock ring was tight around the base of his shaft, and when he finally came, it was thick and hot and sticky and kept flowing for ages while he moaned, shoulders tense and pulling his arms downwards, making his wrists hurt from the cuffs around them as his body jerked from the pleasure.  
Arin exploded inside Dan when he heard the older man come undone under him, emptying his hot load with a groan before slowly riding his orgasm off and pulling out.  
He kissed Dan’s lower back, humming, “Good boy. You did a good job, Dan.”

Dan’s arms were quivering as Arin removed the cock ring and handcuffs. He wanted to collapse right there on the bed, but… He wasn’t sure if that would be okay for him to do. Instead, he sat up and shakily swung his legs over the bed, fumbling for his clothes on the floor, avoiding looking at Arin. His ass hurt, and he could feel his cum growing cold against his skin as he pulled on his pants, getting ready to leave.  
“Dan?” Arin’s voice sounded from the bed, making Dan pause with his sock half pulled up. It was Arin’s regular voice, warm and caring, and hearing it made Dan tear up, but he hid it by having his back to his partner. “What are you doing?”  
“...getting ready?” Dan said, and he heard Arin shift behind him before feeling a warm hand on his back.  
“...did I do something wrong?” Arin asked, concern lacing his voice. Dan looked at him quizzically and shook his head. As far as Dan knew, Arin had done everything right and by the book.  
“No man, it’s just… This is your house,” he stated. Arin stared at him, not following. “It’s… you know. I’ll get out of your hair? We’re done?” Dan tried, gesturing to their surroundings.  
“Yeah, with _the scene_ , man.”  
“Oh… You… You’ve got more planned?” Dan asked, nerves on end. Arin smiled at him disbelievingly.  
“No, dude! Aftercare. You know? Cuddles? Taking care of you, making sure the cuffs didn’t hurt you, shit like that?”  
Oh. Right. Dan had forgotten that aftercare was a thing that normal D/s couples did.  
“Come on man, take your pants off, get comfortable,” Arin continued. “I’ve got some stuff for you, it’s right here.” He got off the bed and started rummaging through the drawer again, handing Dan some wet wipes to clean himself up with.  
Dan sat stiffly on top of the covers when he was done, waiting for Arin to tell him what to do next. Arin suggested he got under them to stay warm.  
“Um…” Dan wasn’t sure if he could even disobey. “I-I would, but… I’m still too hot, internally,” he said, voice barely loud enough for Arin to pick it up. “I can’t get rid of warmth that fast, I… I need another minute or so.”  
“Oh! Because of your weird sweat glands?” Arin exclaimed as it dawned on him. Dan nodded meekly, and Arin chuckled. “It’s fine dude, you do you. You’re the one who knows your body best.”  
Dan didn’t answer that. Arin was right, and that’s why it felt like Dan had betrayed himself.  
He was handed a juice box, straw already in, and looked at Arin in confusion.  
“Dude, you need to rehydrate and get your blood sugar back up,” the younger man reasoned with him. Dan looked at the juice box in wonder before taking a small sip, unable to silence a small noise of pleasure as he drank, earning a relieved smile from Arin who then handed him a granola bar.  
“It’s like we’re camping,” Arin laughed, and now Dan chuckled as well.  
Arin apologized for not knowing what Dan liked to eat during aftercare. Dan said it was okay. He didn’t say that he honestly didn’t know, either.  
He finished his “camping-meal”, letting Arin take the empty box and the wrapping. Arin then got under the covers and held his arms out to Dan.  
“C’mere man, I gotta look at you,” he said. Dan shuffled closer, and Arin gripped his knee, gently parting his legs so that he could see his thighs. Red, angry marks from where Arin had scratched him littered the taut skin, and Arin gave a sympathetic hiss, finding some lotion in The Drawer That Seemed To Hold Everything.  
“It’s aloe vera and peppermint,” he stated. Dan nodded, still trying to wrap his mind around how sweet Arin was being as the younger man gently started rubbing the lotion against Dan’s damaged skin. When Arin was done with Dan’s thighs, he took hold of his hands, looking at his wrists with a frown. Dan’s hands were still shaking.  
“You were really straining against them, huh?” he asked. Dan shrugged, and couldn’t help but take a sharp breath as the cool lotion touched his sore wrists. They were red and swollen under Arin’s gentle fingers.  
When Arin had taken care of them, he put one arm around Dan’s shoulders, the other still holding one of his hands. He brought the palm to his mouth and kissed it gently.  
“You did so good, Dan. I’m proud of you,” he praised. Dan sat stiffly, not sure how to respond, but thankfully, a yawn saved him. Arin chuckled.  
“You must be tired. Come on, you can lie down, it’s okay,” he gently persuaded, pulling Dan down onto the mattress with him, spreading the covers over him and wrapping his arms around the lanky man. When he put a hand on the back of Dan’s head, Dan couldn’t hold back a small whine of pain as Arin accidentally hit the spot where his hair had been pulled too hard. Arin immediately pulled back, apologizing.  
“Sorry, sorry! Are you okay? Where does it hurt?” he asked, cupping Dan’s face with one hand. Dan started apologizing, but Arin cut him off. “Dude, why are you sorry?!”  
“I…” Dan started, but then realized that he couldn’t explain it. It was just second nature to him, he wasn’t supposed to show when something hurt, he wasn’t supposed to _whine like a little bitch_. He remembered.  
All those feelings and habits from back then had already lodged themselves in him again. He ended up shrugging, averting his gaze. Arin frowned and held him again.  
“Dan, did… Did you even have a good time?” he asked.  
Dan lied frantically. Mentioned that he came all over himself, so yeah, of course.  
If Arin didn’t believe him, he didn’t mention it, instead rubbing Dan’s back, occasionally whispering that he was proud of him, that he’d done a good job and that he should try and get some sleep now.  
Dan hardly slept at all.

“I dunno, Suzy, he just… seemed out of place, kinda?” Arin mumbled as he was handed another wet plate from his wife, who was currently doing the dishes. It had been two days since his and Dan’s first scene, and Arin still couldn’t stop thinking about it.  
“He was probably just nervous, Arin,” Suzy offered, scrubbing their dinnerware. “He didn’t use the safe word, right?”  
“Well, no,” Arin shrugged as he dried the plate and set it on the counter. “He didn’t. And he didn’t use the slow-down word either, and he came, and like… he begged to come, and called me master and sir…”  
“Exactly. He’s a grown ass man, Arin, you gotta trust him, just like he trusts you,” Suzy said, turning to face her husband, looking at him sternly. “He knows the rules, he knows the safe word, and he’s subbed before - multiple times, you told me. So you just gotta trust him on this one, I guess.”  
Arin sighed. What Suzy said was making sense, but still… Something had seemed off.  
“He almost left, y’know,” he mumbled, as he took a glass from Suzy. She frowned at him, and he continued. “Like, right when we were done, he just started getting dressed right away. I had to convince him to stay and let me give him aftercare.”  
“Maybe he’s just not too keen on that kinda stuff?” Suzy offered. “I mean, I know aftercare is important, but everybody’s different, Arin. Maybe he’s just not as into it as previous subs you’ve had? Maybe you shouldn’t do it as much as usual?”  
Arin sighed, starting to put the plates and glasses away.  
“Yeah, maybe you’re right.” He walked over and kissed Suzy on the top of her head. “You usually are.”  
“Damn straight.”

On monday at the office, Arin couldn’t help but light up into a bright smile as Dan and Barry walked in the door. Barry seemed to be explaining something to Dan, who nodded along, occasionally giving a soft hum of agreement, until they reached Barry’s desk and the editor sat down, expressing his satisfaction at whatever they’d agreed on before turning his computer on and immediately swiveling his chair around to talk to Kevin.  
Arin tried to catch Dan’s eye as the older man headed to the couch, where he settled himself in a mass of blankets, opening his laptop and plugging the headphones in, not noticing his lover’s lingering gaze. Arin scowled and stood up, heading over to join Dan on the couch.  
“Hey man,” he greeted him, earning a jolt from Dan who just now noticed his boyfriend next to him. “How are you doing?”  
“I’m fine,” Dan said, smiling and taking the headphones off again so he could hear Arin properly. “A little stressed out, but hey, when am I not?”  
“Yeah, but I mean, not that generally, more like… In regards to the other night?”  
Dan put a hand on Arin’s arm and squeezed gently.  
“Dude. You made me breakfast in the morning. You texted me as soon as I left the house. I’m fine.” Dan reminded him, repeating that he was just a little stressed. Arin felt relief wash over him.  
“Making breakfast was like, the least thing I could do, man,” he said, getting up from the couch again. He had to return to the tax e-mails on his computer, and reply to a message from Polaris, and so on, and thus he gave Dan one last smile before heading back.  
Dan sat and stared blankly at the computer screen, one hand fisted in the blanket around his shoulders as he silently cursed himself for being so good at lying.

Dan was “stressed” for the rest of the week - he didn’t say much during the play sessions, kept to himself on the couch with his computer and his music, even forgot the deal he’d made with Barry about their house chores before Arin had talked to him. One day when he wasn’t there and Ross asked where he was, Kevin shrugged and said he hadn’t heard the not-so-grump say a single word the entire week.  
Arin was raking his brain on Friday, trying to come up with a way to help Dan get rid of his stress.  
“I dunno, what usually works for you when you’re stressed?” Ross asked absentmindedly, drawing another line on his Cintiq and squinting to see if he was happy with it. Arin had been asking Ross for help, advice, suggestions, basically anything that could make Dan happy.  
“I jerk it, dude,” Arin said with a sigh, to which Ross just shrugged.  
“So, jerk it for him. Give him a gentle handy or something.”  
“Oh my god,” Arin laughed, before it dawned on him that many D/s people actually de-stressed by doing scenes. “Maybe that’s it…” he mumbled. This finally made Ross perk up, looking at him with a disgusted face.  
“Ew, dude. TMI.”  
“Shut your face, Ross.”

That night, when Dan got the text from Arin, asking if he wanted to do a scene on Sunday, his stomach churned, and he rolled over on his side to stop it from doing flips all over the place.  
He knew that if he said yes, it would be another night of pain.  
But he wanted Arin to be happy. He couldn’t handle the idea of Arin leaving him because their sex was too boring, or because Dan couldn’t take a little pain.  
Arin already did so much for him on a daily basis, Dan felt like he owed the younger man this. He’d been through it before. He could do it again. As a sub, that was what he was supposed to do, right?  
His stomach churned again as he thought of Arin punishing him, and he swallowed the lump in his throat as he replied back that sure, that sounded great, he’d come over on Sunday.  
He felt like he was going to be sick. The worry was starting to manifest as physical signs on his body. Ever since their first scene, Dan had felt restless, nerves on end, like a wild animal constantly vigilant in case someone was going to attack him.  
He stumbled into his and Barry’s shared bathroom and sat on the lid of the toilet, hands running through his mass of curly locks. He figured that if he was going to throw up, he might as well do it in there.  
The door wasn’t locked. He only noticed this because Barry suddenly walked in, abruptly stopping in his tracks as he saw his roommate sat there, looking absolutely miserable.  
“Uh, hey Dan…” The deep baritone echoed off the white tiles. Dan made a small noise of acknowledgement, but didn’t lift his head from his hands. Barry frowned and kneeled in front of him, gently placing a hand on Dan’s knee, making the other jump slightly and finally look up.  
Barry had noticed how Dan seemed to be out of it these days. He was in his room most of the time, and would zone out during conversations, leading to miscommunication about house chores and groceries. Not to mention, Barry had been the one to edit the most recent Grumps episodes, and the way Dan had seemed withdrawn for the commentary had not gone by unnoticed.  
Being this close to Dan’s face, Barry also noticed other things; the circles under Dan’s eyes had grown more prominent, his stubble was longer than usual, his eyes dull and almost lifeless. Barry had always liked Dan’s eyes, they had always seemed so bright and full of life. The contrast was making him worried for his friend.  
“...you okay there, buddy?” he asked gently, tilting his head to one side as he backed away a little, giving Dan some space. The older man forced a small smile and nodded.  
“Just a little queasy, man. Figured I’d stay here, in case I needed to vom,” he said, internally praising himself for not exactly lying, just not telling the whole story. Barry nodded in understanding and rose to his feet.  
“Alright man. I just wanted to brush my teeth, that’s all,” he said, reaching for his toothbrush on the sink, careful not to accidentally take Dan’s by mistake.  
The minty toothpaste made him remember something his mom always said, and he looked at Dan, who was still sitting on the closed toilet, seemingly staring at nothing.  
“Y’know,” Barry managed to say around his toothbrush, words muffled but still intelligible. “I think we have some peppermint tea in the cabinet. It should help you feel less nauseated.”  
Dan didn’t respond. Barry kept looking at him, shifting his weight from one foot to another, before trying again.  
“Dan…?”  
Nothing happened. No reaction. Just that blank stare at the wall, as Dan was lost in his thoughts. Barry sighed, spat in the sink, and then gently shook Dan’s shoulder. This finally made him blink and perk up.  
“Sorry, what was that?” he asked, frowning up at Barry, who just shook his head.  
“Nevermind. I’ll make you some tea, okay? It should help.”  
Dan nodded and got up. Barry gently took his arm and steered him into the kitchen. He was scared that if he didn’t, Dan would keep standing in the bathroom for the rest of eternity.

Sunday rolled around, as they tend to do every 7 days or so. The Los Angeles sky was grey and threatening, and their air was humid to the point where Dan couldn’t fit his hair in a single frame on Instagram, causing him to pull it into a ponytail for once.  
A storm seemed to be approaching. He thought it quite fitting, as he once again pulled up in Arin’s driveway.  
He’d done all the necessary things. He’d showered. He’d done the weird butt stuff that should usually be done before anal sex. He’d eaten. He was wearing clean clothes. He’s done some light yoga to stretch. He’d even shaved.  
He’d made all the preparations, but he still felt so unprepared and raw as he rang the doorbell.  
Suzy was out of the house again. She didn’t mind her husband and Dan doing kinky things, but she preferred not to have to listen to their moans. It felt like intruding, she’d said. It would be just Dan and Arin… and the cats, but they didn’t really count.  
Arin opened the door, and before Dan could open his mouth to say hi, he was grabbed by the front of his shirt and pulled into a kiss.  
As if Arin couldn’t time it better, a thunderclap resonated from outside. It was almost like some cheesy movie, Dan thought.  
Arin’s hair was still a little wet from the shower he’d taken earlier - the humidity made him feel clammy and gross, and he didn’t want to feel gross when showing Dan a good time.  
He had also made his own preparations.  
As they pulled away, Arin’s grip on Dan’s shirt slacked, one hand trailing down the slim man’s waist instead.  
“Been waiting for you,” Arin said, voice hushed and teetering on the edge of his dom persona, as he pulled Dan over the doorstep and shut the door behind him. As he did so, he spun Dan around, slowly backing him up as they shared more deep kisses. Dan almost allowed himself to hope that it was just gonna be regular, vanilla sex, but the brief hope was shattered as soon as Arin said, “I’m gonna take such good care of you, you won’t be able to sit down for days without remembering how I fucked you raw.”  
He bit Dan’s neck, earning an involuntary moan, which made him smirk and lick Dan’s adam’s apple, noticing the taste of aftershave on his tongue.  
“I’m gonna make you mine, and you won’t be able to forget it, Dan.”  
Dan’s knees were shaking with fear and arousal, and he let out another breathy moan as Arin cupped his dick through his jeans, grinding down on it with the heel of his hand. He felt the adrenaline pump through his veins, making him lightheaded, and he hardly noticed Arin steering him into the bedroom. Only when they collided with the bed, making Dan stumble a bit, did he notice where they had ended up, and what was spread out on the bed, waiting just for him.  
The sight of it would have made cold sweat break out on his back, if he had functioning sweat glands. A long coil of rope. Arin was going to tie him up.  
“Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing,” Arin said from somewhere next to Dan, and the older man felt his lover’s hands on his shoulders, gently but firmly pushing him down to sit on the bed.  
Arin took the rope between his fingers, letting it trail until he reached the middle of it, folding it over. He noticed Dan’s posture and grabbed his partner’s chin between his thumb and pointer, forcing Dan to look up at him.  
Did Dan look… scared?  
“You ever been in a harness before?” Arin asked gruffly. Dan swallowed and nodded the best he could while still being trapped between Arin’s fingers. Arin tsk’ed and moved his hand to fist it in the hair at Dan’s temple, holding it by the sensitive roots, making Dan whine in pain despite trying not to as the hairband fell out, making Dan’s hair cascade down to his shoulders.  
“Use. Your words. Daniel.” Arin ordered.  
“I-I’m sorry, master.”  
“Take your shirt off. Sit up straight, lift your arms away from your body.”  
Dan did as he was told, and Arin went back to the rope, beginning to tie Dan up with precision. Arin had taken rope classes at the club downtown, and felt fairly confident with his skills. He made sure the rope didn’t twist, fingers trailing over it to make sure it wasn’t going to chafe or burn against Dan’s skin.  
It was a simple harness, really. A chest harness, with just enough length at the end for Arin to be able to tug it, making it easy to control Dan.  
He left Dan sitting on the bed as he found a blindfold in the Drawer That Seemingly Holds Everything. It was shaped like a sleeping mask, but instead of the flimsy elastic bands that usually secured those, it had a sturdy adjustable strap.  
For Arin, tonight was all about control.  
He put it on Dan, who willingly tilted his head so it was easier for Arin to secure it.  
A blanket of darkness enveloped the sub. He felt his other senses kick into overdrive. He was suddenly aware of the sound his body made as he moved against the bed sheets, the low hum of the air conditioner in the hallway, the comforting smell of Suzy that always clung to the bedroom. Arin’s beard against his jaw as he was kissed. The heat wafting off of them both. The clinking of a belt coming undone, the material of his pants being slid down, his cock straining against his boxers.  
Arin’s hands as they tied Dan’s wrists behind his back.  
Dan’s pants were still around his ankles as Arin placed a hand on his shoulder and toppled him over. Dan hadn’t been prepared, hadn’t been able to brace himself, as his face was suddenly buried in the bed linen.  
“Ass in the air. Let me see your skinny ass, let me see if it can take my cock,” he heard Arin’s voice overhead. He obliged, hands still on his back, forcing him to support his weight with his knees, neck and head. He felt Arin’s hands sneak around and cup his balls, as the younger man leaned over so that his mouth was close to Dan’s temple.  
“No coming until I tell you. Understand?”  
“Yes, sir.”  
As a reward, Arin massaged Dan’s balls, making the other man squirm under his touch. One hand went to his ass, administering a healthy amount of lube around the hole, slowly starting to spread him out. One finger, two fingers, a beat, and then -  
“Lean back. Sit on me. Ride me like the slut you are.”  
Dan winced. He hated being called a slut. But there was no way in hell he was going to argue, not now, not with Arin in control.  
His dom apparently thought it was taking a bit too long, because he tugged on the harness, making Dan gasp at the sensation. He lowered himself onto Arin’s erect length, half hissing as he realized that he hadn’t been prepared enough, half moaning because of how good Arin felt inside of him.  
But Arin didn’t do anything. Dan would have looked at him questioningly over his shoulder, were it not for the blindfold.  
And then Arin’s hands were on his dick, slowly stroking the member, teasing the slit and rubbing lube over it, making it slick and slippery.  
Arin continued to give Dan the slowest, most teasing handjob in existence, as he made Dan ride him. It felt like it took an eternity.  
And as Dan finally neared his climax, suddenly, the sensation of Arin’s warm hands against his shaft was gone.  
“What the fuck-” Dan muttered, as it hit him: Orgasm denial. He started squirming, but Arin lifted Dan by the harness, pulling out, leaving Dan achingly empty.  
“Not yet,” he grunted, biting Dan’s shoulder as Dan leaned against him for support. Dan whined at the loss of the sensation, even as Arin’s fingers started teasing his nipples; his dick felt cold without Arin’s hands on it, and he squirmed, clenching his muscles to try and create the illusion of something filling him up. It somehow worked, and Dan couldn’t hold back the moan as his dick twitched, barely able to contain the cum.  
However, Arin noticed this. And he wasn’t having it.  
“What. Do you think. You’re doing?” came the angry voice from behind Dan.  
And then suddenly there were rough hands on him, and he was being thrown harshly off of Arin, his back colliding with the headboard.  
That wasn’t the worst, though. The worst were the hands around his neck, squeezing against his windpipe, making Dan gasp for air and choke on his own spit.  
“You never fucking learn, do you?” Arin wasn’t yelling, but his words were pointed, obviously angry. “You don’t get to come before I tell you to! Are we clear? Huh? Or do I need to punish you again?”  
Dan frantically shook his head, chest heaving as he tried to breathe through his panicked state.  
“Have you learnt your lesson?”  
Dan wanted to use his words, he really did, but he could only mouth them breathlessly. However, that seemed to be good enough; Arin’s grip slacked, and Dan took in huge gulps of air.  
“Calm down, or you’re gonna throw up,” Arin stated plainly as he started to jerk Dan off.  
It didn’t take many strokes for him to come, leaving a hot, sticky mess on them both. Arin wasn’t far behind.  
Dan felt his wrists being released, followed by the harness, and finally, the blindfold was removed. Despite the light being dimmed, it was still a little too bright as he squinted his eyes open and was met with the sight of Arin. Not dominant Arin, but regular, good natured Arin Hanson, who looked at him like he was the most precious thing in the world. He gently trailed a finger down Dan’s cheek, smiling as he leaned in and kissed Dan’s lips.  
“You did good, baby. Proud of ya,” he breathed. “Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?”  
Dan nodded wordlessly. When Arin found the wetwipes, Dan reached for them, but Arin shook his head.  
“Let me do it for you. You deserve some rest. This was a little more intense than I initially planned,” he admitted, voice quiet and comforting, as he started to clean Dan’s skin. He removed his lover’s pants completely, leaving him in just his underwear, making sure to plant gentle kisses on his shins, knees, and thighs. He trailed upwards, kissing his stomach and chest, before finally meeting his lips. It was calm, and there wasn’t any battling of tongues, just a soft, loving kiss.  
Arin pulled away and smoothed some of Dan’s wild mane.  
“You’re shivering, Tumbleweed.”  
Tumbleweed was a nickname Arin had initially coined for Dan after a particularly bad hair day. He would use it when comforting the taller man, or when Dan was sick or tired. Dan figured he must look pretty miserable, if Arin started using it now.  
“You sure you don’t want to get under the covers yet?” Arin asked, frowning. He knew Dan could overheat if he got under too soon, but his lanky body was trembling, and Arin could see the goosebumps spreading across the sunkissed skin.  
Dan shook his head, and Arin sighed, but accepted it. He put the rope away, and opened the drawer where he’d stored the snack for the aftercare earlier.  
Arin took pride in being prepared. Aftercare was important. He didn’t want Dan to suddenly experience subdrop. That’s why, as he handed him the juicebox like last time, he muttered small words of praise as he maneuvered to sit behind Dan. He started rubbing his shoulders, finding tense knots everywhere, as Dan drank greedily, not having registered until now just how thirsty he was.  
Arin planted a kiss on the nape of Dan’s neck as his fingers worked their magic.  
When Dan was done drinking, it was time for the lotion. The rope had chafed a bit against his collarbones, and Arin blew cool air on it as he applied the soothing cream. The feeling was welcome; Dan almost felt his eyes roll back into his head as the stinging subsided. Arin gently cupped the back of his head as this happened, scared that Dan might fall back into the headboard and injure himself.  
The headboard. Shit. Arin’s frown grew as he checked Dan’s back from where it had collided with it earlier. There weren’t any bruises yet, but he could tell from the way Dan twitched as Arin touched it that it was definitely sore.  
He rubbed the cream there and then kissed Dan’s cheek.  
“I’m sorry, Tumbleweed,” he said softly as he started working on Dan’s wrists. Dan shook his head, as to signal that Arin shouldn’t worry about it.  
“How’s your neck?” Arin asked. Dan swallowed to test it.  
“It’s fine. I’m fine, Arin,” he lied. If he could count on past experiences, he knew he’d probably have to wear his scarf tomorrow, unless he wanted the other grumps to see the bruises.  
“Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Arin tried to make eye contact with him, but Dan kept his gaze lowered. “You seem really quiet.”  
“I… I guess that’s just what I’m like after this,” Dan said with a shrug. “I’m sorry.”  
“No, no, no. Don’t apologize; you have nothing to be sorry for, babe,” Arin reassured him, gently pulling him into a hug, careful not to touch the places the rope had chafed or where he’d been bruised.  
Dan sighed deeply as he rested his head against Arin’s shoulder. He was still trembling, mostly from adrenaline, although Arin thought it was because he was cold. He finally convinced him to get under the covers. It still felt weird to sleep in the same bed as his dom after a session, but it also felt nice. He felt safe in Arin’s arms, despite what had just happened between them. The only thing he had to worry about was when Arin would ask to do another scene. But he was fairly sure that for the rest of the night, he’d be safe.  
Arin gently took one of Dan’s large hands in his own and started massaging it, playing with his fingers and kissing his knuckles. It felt nice to be cared for like that. Strange. Unfamiliar. But nice.  
“Why are you doing this…?” Dan mumbled, words quiet and heavy as sleep was slowly gaining in on him. Arin looked at him with raised brows.  
“Why do I do what?”  
“Why’re you… so nice…?” Dan felt himself drifting off. He didn’t get to hear Arin’s reply.  
Arin laid awake, staring at Dan’s features as he relaxed.  
He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. Maybe it was because they’d grown up in different places, different times, but Dan was nothing like the subs he’d had before. It was as if Dan didn’t understand the concept of aftercare. Was that why he’d almost left, the first time? Could that be it?  
No way. Arin shook his head. Aftercare was such an important aspect of BDSM. Maybe Dan just needed less aftercare than the subs he was used to. After all, Dan was older, more experienced.  
It still felt wrong, though.  
Arin finally managed to fall asleep, still holding Dan’s hand, making a mental note to himself that he needed to adjust the aftercare accordingly.

Over the next week, Arin had to accept that his plan had failed. Actually, it seemed to only have made things worse; he’d never seen Dan like this before, not even when filming Guild Grumps. Their recordings had to be heavily edited, much to Arin’s dismay (he prided himself in cutting as little out of the episodes as possible), because the commentary just wasn’t up to par. Every time Arin tried to bounce some improv off of Dan, the older man couldn’t really return it, and their jokes fell flat so often that the sound of Kevin and Barry laughing at them as they edited had become a rare sound in the office by now.  
Not to mention, Dan seemed _tired_. He’d shown up to work with his clothes inside-out. He’d start making coffee only to forget to put in the filter, or turn the machine on, or he’d start a sentence only to trail off because he’d forgotten what he was going to say. People were beginning to worry.  
He wasn’t just tired, though. He was jumpy - he’d almost clocked Ross in the face at one point, when the Australian had put a hand on his shoulder unannounced. The only time his energy seemed to spike was whenever someone would walk a little too loudly, or Ross playfully hit Arin, or that one time Barry dropped a whole box of PlayStation games, startling Dan so much that he’d almost jumped into Suzy’s lap. He was quite honestly a ball of nerves.  
The stress, lack of sleep, and managing to fuck up even simple tasks were leaving Dan in a foul mood. He’d snapped at Brian (who’d deemed it _very uncool_ , because hell, this is Brian Wecht we’re talking about), and started keeping to himself. Arin had tried to ask him how they could help, what was wrong, but Dan kept dodging the questions.  
This, in turn, left Arin frustrated. They were a couple. They should be able to talk to each other about anything on their mind. Not to mention that the show was suffering because of it, and the atmosphere at the Grump Space was… weird. It was only a matter of time before Brent was going to approach him about it, he knew. The manager usually let them sort out their problems on their own, but this was growing to be something that he had to interfere with, unless Arin fixed it, somehow.  
But how? He’d tried alleviating Dan of his stress through sex. He’d asked if he wanted to go out, just the two of them, for a day where they could just relax. He’d tried making him tea while he worked. Either the suggestions had been shot down, or simply didn’t work. He was at the end of his wits by now.  
It culminated the day Arin got a phone call from Polaris. Usually they would have called Brent or Barry, but both were out of town. Polaris were doing a show and wanted the Grumps as guests on it, but only if they could get the confirmation within the hour, because if not, then they’d find someone else. The woman on the phone was new at her job and apologized profusely for making Arin stress like that, but something had gone wrong in the systems and that was why they were so late at calling. Arin tried to assure her that it wasn’t her fault, and said he’d call back ASAP.  
This was an opportunity they really didn’t want to miss. The amount of new subscribers had been stagnating at around 3 million, while Mark and Jack were gaining double the amount in half the time. Arin knew that they needed the exposure, to get new people to notice them.  
It was with all of this in mind that he ran to one of the smaller rooms connected to the main room of the Grump Space. He could hear Dan’s voice in there despite the sound proofing. They were gonna record in about half an hour, so Dan was doing his vocal warm ups.  
Arin hesitated at the door. Vocal warm ups were Dan’s sacred time. Foul mood or not, nobody ever dared disturbing him during this period of time - not even Brian, though he’d entertained the idea. But they really had to act fast on this one, so Arin steeled himself and went inside.  
Dan had his back to him, but immediately quieted as Arin entered.  
“Hey man, sorry, I know you’re doing your thing and don’t want to be disturbed, but-” Arin began, but Dan cut him off.  
“Exactly, I don’t.”  
“Well, I know that, and I’m sorry, but-”  
“Arin, I’m in the middle of this, please get out,” Dan snapped, finally turning on his heel and facing the younger. Arin could immediately tell that he’d fucked up; Dan was tense, and if looks could kill, then Dan’s eyes would be serving 75-to-life pretty soon. But Arin squared his shoulders.  
“Dan, we need to talk about this, it’s important.”  
“There’s nothing to talk about, Arin. Get out.”  
Arin frowned at this. Were they talking about the same thing at all? He didn’t get a chance to ask, because Dan continued, growing more and more angry for every sentence.  
“I’m doing this for you, Arin, okay? I’m trying my goddamn best not to fuck up this one little thing, because lately I can’t seem to fucking do anything right but I swear to god, if I ruin my voice on the show because you didn’t let me warm up-”  
“Dan, whoa, dude-”  
“You’ve been on my ass constantly, man. _“Are you okay?”_ , _“What can I do?”_ Well, maybe you can’t fucking do anything, maybe I’m just too broken, too fucked up to-” Dan sputtered, voice sharp as it cut through the tense air between them.  
“Dan, I got a call and I needed to talk to you about it, but if you’re gonna act like a fucking baby then I guess it doesn’t fucking matter,” Arin spat back, trying to clear the confusion between them.  
“Couldn’t it fucking wait until I was done? You know, with the one time I ask to have to my own? I’m always fucking on call 24/7 except for this half fucking hour I reserve to my voice, you can literally get a hold of me-”  
Arin slammed the door behind him, making Dan jump.  
“Dan, it was important, god damn it, just fucking listen to me for once!” Arin let his voice rise as he took a crashing step towards Dan, making the other back up.  
“I mean, I don’t fucking know what’s up with you lately,” Arin continued, raging now as he cornered Dan, “but you’re being a fucking asshole to everyone and it’s not fucking cool!”  
Dan now had his back pressed up against the wall, and his eyes had gone wide as they frantically looked around, as if he was a cornered animal desperately trying to find an escape route while Arin’s voice rose to a yell.  
“I’m trying to do anything I can for you, Daniel, but you won’t fucking tell me what’s wrong!”  
The use of Dan’s full name made him flinch, and he hung his head, shoulders up to his ears and arms in front of his chest as he braced himself as he whimpered.  
“Please don’t hit me...”  
This made Arin freeze on the spot. He took a step back, and Dan slid down against the wall and wrapped his arms protectively around his head, his knees drawn up to his chest. It looked to Arin as if he was having trouble breathing.  
He knelt down in front of Dan. He wanted to comfort him, but at the same time, the anger still wasn’t out of his system, causing him to not think before he spoke.  
“You… you seriously think I’m going to hit you?! What the… What the fuck man, what the hell is _wrong_ with you?!”  
The moment the words left his mouth Arin regretted them, but the damage was done. Dan shot up from the floor and ran out of the room on unsteady legs, body shaking with held-back sobs, while Arin called his name, trying to make him stop, but to no avail. By the time Arin was in the parking lot, Dan’s car was gone.

Nobody could get a hold of Dan. They hadn’t heard what the two grumps had been fighting about, thanks to the soundproof walls, but the way Arin had looked when he asked them to try and call Dan had been enough evidence that this was serious.  
Barry had left his house key in Suzy’s care while he was away, trusting her to be the best at keeping it from getting lost. Usually he would have just left it with Dan, but with the way he’d been acting lately…  
Suzy pulled the key from her keychain and gave it to Arin.  
“Go to him. I saw him run out, he looked really bad,” she said, eyes downcast. “Honestly I’ve been worried about him lately, and now…” She looked back up at her husband, eyes glassy. “Arin, I’m scared he might do something he’ll regret.”  
Arin swallowed thickly as he took the key from her. She was right. Now that he’d stopped being angry, one of the things Dan had said kept repeating itself in his mind.  
_“Maybe I’m just too broken, too fucked up…”_  
This was worse than Arin had thought.  
He excused himself from the office for the rest of the day, and drove to the Avidan-Kramer house as quickly as he could. It had been a little over an hour since Dan had left; at first they’d waited, to give him some space, but then they’d tried to call, and now here he was.  
An hour is a long time if you’re planning on doing something stupid.  
Arin couldn’t shake this thought, and he hurried up to the front door while his worry grew in the pit of his stomach, the one thought _please be okay, please be okay, please be okay_ running through his mind like a mantra.  
He let himself in and called Dan’s name through the house. The older man wasn’t in his bedroom, but as Arin left to check the lounge, he could hear the sound of running water in the bathroom. When he opened the door, the sound mingled with another; the sound of someone crying.  
The shower was running, and he could barely make out Dan’s form behind the curtain. But he was sure that it was him. It _sounded_ like him, and that broke Arin’s heart.  
Without much thought, he slowly pulled the curtain away, and saw that true enough, it was Dan. His wet hair clung to his face, and his upper arms were an angry shade of red, as if he’d scrubbed them too hard - he still was, actually, nails digging into the flesh.  
He’d been standing with his back to the curtain until Arin pulled it away; then, he’d gasped and spun around, scared it might be an intruder, but when he saw who it was, his face contorted as he started sobbing even harder.  
Arin walked in, not caring that his clothes were getting soaked, and put his arms around Dan. The older man immediately started squirming, making small noises of protest, but Arin held him in place.  
“I am so, so fucking sorry, Dan,” he apologized, voice soft and sad. “I shouldn’t have exploded like that, I shouldn’t have made you so scared. I’m so sorry, Tumbleweed.”  
Dan had stiffened at the words, but at the sound of his nickname, he gave up. He let go; he cried into Arin’s wet clothes, loud, heartbreaking sobs raking through his slender frame. He was so tired. He was so scared. He was so sad. And he loved Arin so much.  
Arin let him cry, gently rocking him back and forth as he whispered comforting words into the other man’s wet hair. He could feel Dan’s heart as it pounded in his chest. He felt every jerk of his body he sobbed, and when his knees almost gave out, Arin caught him, holding him up, letting him lean against him.  
Arin swore right then and there that he would always be there to catch him.  
“C’mon, Tumbleweed, let’s get you outta here,” he said gently, slowly guiding Dan out of the shower, making sure he didn’t slip on the wet tiles. He held him against him with one arm as he turned off the water, and then grabbed a towel and started drying Dan off.  
Now that the water couldn’t wash it away, small droplets of blood started forming on Dan’s arms in the places where he’d scratched himself so hard that he’d broken the skin. Seeing this, Arin let out a sympathetic hiss, doing his best to finish drying Dan off before wrapping the towel around his still-wet hair.  
He took Dan’s face in his hands and made him look Arin in the eyes.  
“Go to your room. I’ll be right there; just gotta get out of this wet mess and find some band-aids for your arms, okay? I’ll be right there.”  
Dan felt drained. He didn’t have enough left in him to protest, so he just nodded and padded into the hall, leaving Arin in the bathroom where Barry kept his pajamas in one of the closets. They were roughly Arin’s size, which Arin had found out after multiple sleepovers at the editor’s place when they’d worked on projects. He hung his wet clothes over the shower curtain rod to let them dry, then found the first aid kit behind the mirror over the sink.  
He’d never had to deal with a crying Dan before, but he knew how not-crying-Dan usually worked, so then he went into the kitchen and made a cup of tea.  
He brought the tea and the first aid kit into Dan’s room, where Dan was curled up on the bed, facing away from the door. The towel around his hair had come undone, wet curls spilling onto the pillow, and Arin could hear him sniffle as he lay there.  
Arin put the mug on the nightstand and covered it with a saucer to keep the tea warm before sitting on the bed, reaching out and carefully touching Dan’s shoulder, remembering how Dan had almost hit Ross square in the face a few days ago. But there was no jolt, no hitting, just the sound of a sob being choked back as Dan lifted his head and looked at Arin with sad eyes.  
“C’mon, sit up,” Arin coaxed in a soft voice, motioning for Dan to rise. He opened the medicine kit and pulled out some disinfectant wipes and bandages, gently taking Dan’s arm in his hand and holding it out for better access.  
Tears started making their way down Dan’s cheeks as Arin cleaned his wounds, but he didn’t say anything as Arin worked. Arin was gentle, making sure to make his movements slow so he wouldn’t scare Dan. After what had happened at the Grump Space, he wasn’t sure how stable Dan was, and he didn’t want to spook him unnecessarily.  
When he was finished, he looked at his boyfriend and placed a hand on his lower back.  
“Dan, we… We need to talk,” he said softly.  
Dan clenched his jaw and looked away, but he couldn’t stop the tears.  
“Dan, please. This can’t go on. You have to tell me what’s wrong. It’s obviously causing you pain, and I don’t like seeing you like this.”  
Arin shuffled closer and put his arms around Dan, careful not to hurt him as he pulled him against his body. He could feel how tense Dan was, how hard he was shaking because he was trying not to cry.  
“Dan,” he tried again, rubbing the older man’s back comfortingly. “It’s okay, buddy. You don’t have to hold it back. If you need to cry, just cry.”  
Dan swallowed thickly and shook his head. Who he was defying - Arin or himself - he wasn’t sure. But he couldn’t keep it up; Arin was pouring so much care and comfort and love into him, it was just too much, too sharp a contrast to the memories that had been haunting him for the past few weeks.  
He felt his lower lip quiver, and he let out a whimper before just simply letting go again.  
If he’d thought he’d cried a lot on the shower, it was nothing compared to this. Arin held him tightly as Dan wailed, and at one point Arin had to remind him to breathe, because he was seriously scared that he was going to hyperventilate or be sick.  
Arin felt utterly helpless as he held Dan. He had no idea what to do, how to make it better, how to take all of Dan’s pain away. And he couldn’t stop blaming himself. He knew that there was more to it than just their fight, but he still felt like this was all his fault. The only thing he could do was whisper small words of comfort in Dan’s ear and hold him close - not that it was difficult; Dan was clinging to him as if he was scared that once he let go, Arin would simply evaporate.  
Nobody can cry forever, though. After what felt like hours, Dan’s tears ran dry, and he just leaned against Arin, feeling as though he’d deflated entirely.  
Arin reached for the mug of tea on the nightstand and was happy that he’d had enough foresight to cover it with a saucer; it was still somewhat warm as he handed the mug to Dan, who held it with shaking hands. Arin placed his own on top of Dan’s long fingers, just to make sure he wouldn’t accidentally drop it.  
Dan took a few gulps before looking up at Arin with tired, bloodshot eyes. Arin gently rested a hand in Dan’s hair, and Dan sighed, looking down into the mug as he opened his mouth.  
“I’m sorry, Arin. I’ve been really shitty,” he said, voice meek. Arin shook his head.  
“You have, but so have I, and I’m sure you had a better reason than me… Can you tell me what’s going on?”  
Dan took another sip of tea, feeling the warmth spread through him. He mentally steadied himself before looking at Arin. He figured that he might as well tell him everything; he couldn’t avoid it any longer. He wouldn’t be able to cover it up anymore, but… he also really didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to explain it, because that would mean going into detail about things he had tried so hard to forget.  
But Arin’s pleading eyes eventually won.  
“...remember how I told you that I’d subbed while I lived in Philly?” Dan asked, doing his best to keep his voice steady and failing spectacularly at it, earning a gentle squeeze from Arin, who frowned but nodded. He remembered. Dan sighed again.  
“I, um… I hit it off with a dom. We started being regulars with each other,” he said shakily. He took a few breaths before continuing - Arin didn’t try to force him to keep going. He could see that Dan needed to do this at his own pace if it were to be done at all.  
“She, um… She was from somewhere in Europe, she was just here because her job had re-located her. We did some pretty heavy stuff. I was kinda new, so she… she taught me how to be a sub.”  
Arin’s frown grew as things slowly started to make sense.  
“Dan, what did she do to you, exactly?” He was almost afraid to ask, but he knew that he had to. Dan cleared his throat. He didn’t want to think back to those times more than necessary, but… it was necessary right now. He shuffled a bit and stared at his tea, afraid to look Arin in the eyes, afraid how he’d react when Dan told him everything.  
“She… She told me that she was gonna _leave_ if I didn’t _behave_. Or she’d punish me. But I… I wasn’t always very good at it, y’know? I fucked up a lot.” Dan tried laughing, but it sounded small, and Arin could feel the hurt radiating from him.  
He knew that Dan didn’t just mean that she had threatened to leave their relationship - or whatever it had been. “Leaving” had a whole other meaning right now.  
“Did she ever _leave_ you?”  
Dan nodded, lips tight as he thought back to it. A cold shiver ran down Arin’s spine.  
One of the most important rules in a D/s relationship was that the dom couldn’t just leave their sub, especially in the middle of a scene, but not directly after, either. Not only was it super uncool, it could be outright dangerous. A sub that hadn’t been brought down from the scene properly was a danger to themselves and to others, especially if it involved anything like driving or important decision-making. Not to mention the subdrops that could occur from the lack of proper aftercare.  
“She left me while I was in my subspace, once,” Dan admitted, grip tightening on the mug, pulling Arin from his train of thought. The younger man’s mouth fell open.  
“ _What?!_ ” he asked, voice barely above a whisper. He’d expected her to have left after a scene, maybe, but not… not this.  
“I… I never let my guard down enough with you for you to experience it, but when I’m in subspace, I’m pretty much… dependent on my dom to take care of me.” Dan pulled his legs up to his chest and hugged them tight, somehow managing not to spill his tea as he did so.  
“When I got back down on my own and she wasn’t there… It… It was… Fuck, I’ve never felt so _alone_ before.”  
The sound of his voice cracking made Arin’s heart clench, and he gently pulled Dan into a hug again as Dan sniffled.  
A thought struck Arin, and he hoped to god that it wasn’t true. It was one of those scare stories you’d hear in the BDSM circles, about what made someone a Bad Dom.  
“Did you two have a safe word?”  
Dan didn’t answer at first; he seemed to just stare at the wall, eyes unfocused, clearly lost in some kind of memory. Then, Arin’s worst fears were confirmed when Dan finally shook his head.  
“Oh, fuck, Dan…”  
“We did in the beginning, but… when I used it, she didn’t care,” Dan explained, still not looking at Arin. “She’d punish me if I tried using it, or if I cried and tried to get free… She said it was just a formal thing, and that nobody really adhered to it anyway, so why even bother.”  
Arin felt sick to his stomach. To think that someone was out there, purposely not following the rules about safe words and aftercare… And that Dan had been through that...  
“...you ended up believing her, didn’t you?” Arin asked, voice thick as he tried not to cry. Dan nodded, and Arin could only murmur, “Oh no, Dan… I’m so sorry.”  
If she hadn’t listened to their safe word, and they’d done what Dan referred to as “some heavy stuff”, then it’d basically been rape.  
Arin swallowed thickly before asking his next question.  
“Do you still believe her?”  
Dan took a shaky breath before nodding meekly.  
“I… I can’t help it.” he muttered. “My brain won’t stop telling me that the safe word doesn’t matter. She groomed me that way. She said that the sub only exists to please the dom, and if you can’t do that… if you’re a bad sub, your dom’s gonna leave you,” he choked out. “I know it’s not right, but when I’m in a scene, it all floods back and I can’t reason with that part of my brain. It’s like… It’s like back when I had OCD and all these intrusive thoughts came crashing and I couldn’t…”  
Dan trailed off, and Arin took the mug of tea from him, placing it on the table before turning back to Dan and gently wrapping his arms back around him, holding him close. He could feel the older man doing his best to take deep, controlled breaths, and he shushed him gently, knowing how difficult this must be for him, to lay himself bare like that.  
After a while, Dan seemed to be feeling a little better, and Arin finally dared to ask another question.  
“Was there any time during our sessions where you wanted to use our safe word, but didn’t believe I was going to listen to it?”  
Another nod.  
Now it was Arin’s turn to cry, silent tears slowly making their way down his cheeks as he realized that there had been times where he’d hurt Dan, and that the older man hadn’t trusted him enough to let him know.  
“I’m sorry.”  
Arin was the one who wanted to apologize, but it was Dan who said it. The Floridian looked at him like he was crazy.  
“I… I put you in a really bad situation because I didn’t say it, didn’t I?” Dan continued.  
“Dan,” Arin said breathlessly, pulling him closer. “No, no, no, no, baby… No. I should’ve paid more attention. I should have noticed you were hurting. I’m the one at fault here, and I’m so sorry,” he said through his tears, but Dan shook his head and wrapped his arms around Arin.  
“But I’m the one who straight up lied to you and said I’d had a good time,” he countered. “I-I was just so scared you were going to leave me, Arin. I was scared I was going to be a bad sub like she told me, and you were gonna…” He trailed off and took a deep breath. “You didn’t know what was going on. I’m so sorry.”  
They sat with their arms around each other and cried, apologizing to each other again and again.  
“Why did you stay with her?” Arin finally asked. Dan let out a humorless laugh.  
“I was just as addicted to her as I was to the weed, Arin. I knew it was bad for me, but I kept coming back. I was self-destructive in more ways than one, y’know. I thought… I thought it was the thing to do. It wasn’t until you started being so nice to me that it all came back and I started realizing something was wrong. I guess I’d repressed a lot of it until then.”  
Arin looked at Dan’s tearstained face and gently kissed him right above the scar in his eyebrow, murmuring another “I’m sorry, baby”. He knew that the dull ache in his chest was nothing compared to how Dan must’ve been feeling for so long.  
He held Dan close and stroked his fingers through the other man’s curly, still damp hair. He could feel Dan slowly growing more relaxed, his body becoming heavy with sleep, and when he looked down a little later, he saw that Dan was finally peaceful, resting against Arin with his eyes closed, his breathing leveled out as he slumbered. They sat like that for a while; Arin didn’t dare to disturb Dan, until the latter’s stomach rumbled loudly, making him shift a little.  
Arin frowned as he made sense of it. Dan had been so stressed out over this whole thing. Arin knew from other incidents, like the way he’d almost burned out during Guild Grumps, that when Dan became stressed, he forgot to take care of himself, including eating properly.  
Arin kissed the top of Dan’s head as he slept and gently maneuvered himself so that he could lie Dan down on the bed, covering him with a blanket before slipping out of the room. He figured the least he could do was make some food for them.

Dan slowly stirred, groaning as he noticed the tension headache at the base of his skull. He felt groggy, and his eyes hurt. He knew what had happened, he’d told Arin everything.  
And Arin wasn’t there.  
Dan wanted to curl up into a ball, duck his head under the blanket and pretend the world didn’t exist, that the past few weeks had never happened.  
Had Arin left him while he slept? Decided that being with Dan was too much trouble, too much drama?  
He squeezed his eyes shut.  
Had Arin secretly thought that Dan was whining about things that he should’ve just accepted?  
Was he really a bad sub? A bad person? Unlovable?  
The thoughts made him clutch his abdomen. He felt hollow, he felt drained, he… He wasn’t sure what he was feeling anymore.  
He’d fucked up. He should’ve stayed quiet, shouldn’t have said anything, should’ve just kept pretending everything was fine, why did he have to break down like that, why was he so weak, why couldn’t he handle this…  
A sob broke through the barrier he’d tried to put back up around himself, then another, despite him trying to hold back, which hurt even more. Tears were making their way down his cheeks, making his hair cling to his face.  
He was so lost in his inner downward spiral that he didn’t notice Arin coming into the room, didn’t hear his footsteps, and thus, when Arin gently placed a hand on Dan’s shoulder, Dan jerked up with a frightened yelp, eyes wide as saucers.  
“Hey hey hey, it’s okay, it’s just me! It’s okay, Dan. It’s okay…” Arin said in a soothing voice, slowly reaching out to Dan. Arin could tell that he’d been crying again, and he bit the inside of his cheek as he mentally scolded himself for leaving.  
“I was just in the kitchen. I made you some food,” he explained.  
Dan stared at him as it sunk in. Arin hadn’t left. Arin was taking care of him.  
He shuffled across the bed, towards Arin, and looped his arms around the animator’s shoulders in a tight hug, burying his face in the crook of Arin’s neck.  
“I love you,” he choked out, breath hot against Arin’s skin. He was trembling, Arin noticed.  
“I love you too, man…” he whispered. “C’mon, let’s get some food in ya, okay? You honestly don’t look so good right now.”  
Dan nodded, but kept his arms around Arin’s shoulders, as if afraid to let go. Arin didn’t say anything, but instead wrapped his own arms around Dan’s torso as he scooted backwards off the bed, slowly pulling Dan with him until they were both standing. Dan’s knees felt weak, but Arin held him up until he properly gained his footing. Only then did they let go, although Arin kept a reassuring hand on Dan’s lower back as he lead him into the kitchen. A bowl of soup sat on the small table, still giving off a bit of steam, and when Dan had sat down in front of it, Arin put a plate with crackers and carrots next to it.  
“It’s not a lot, but I wasn’t sure if you were gonna feel up to eating, after…” he trailed off, not wanting to rub the crying fits in Dan’s face. Dan caught on, and nodded, grateful for the consideration and the meal. He honestly did feel a bit queasy, but he knew he had to eat.  
Arin sat down across from him, munching on his own plate of crackers, as Dan blew on the hot soup.  
They sat in silence; it was obvious that Arin wanted to say something, but was still trying to figure out exactly how to phrase it. Dan stared at him, waiting. This made Arin sigh, and he ran a hand through his dark hair. Dan noticed that the blonde streak needed to be re-dyed soon; the roots were starting to show.  
“...I think we should stop,” Arin finally said.  
Dan froze. He heard his spoon fall from his grip onto the table.  
Arin had been waiting to leave him until he was awake, but now it was happening, this was it, he was gonna call it quits, he…  
“Dan? Are you listening?”  
Arin gently touched Dan’s hand, bringing him back to reality.  
“You’re leaving me, aren’t you?” Dan managed to whisper, feeling his chest tighten as he spoke. Arin’s eyes widened as he realized how his words had been interpreted.  
“No! God, no. I’d never- Jesus, Dan. No. What I meant was, I think we should stop with the _scenes_ ,” he explained.  
“Look, Dan. What happened to you back then… was clearly not okay. It shouldn’t happen to anyone.”  
Dan looked into his soup, observing the swirling broth as he listened to Arin.  
“...and I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. Ever. So it’s probably better if we stop doing scenes.”  
Arin looked at Dan, expecting the older man to be relieved, but instead… a scowl slowly formed on Dan’s face. His tired eyes grew brighter, as if he was realizing something, as if determination was spreading through him. He clenched his hands and looked up at Arin with a steely gaze.  
“No,” he stated. Arin gave him a look of disbelief.  
“No? No what?”  
“No. We don’t stop.”  
“ _Dan_ -”  
“If we stop, she’s right. If we stop… She wins.”  
Arin looked at Dan incredulously.  
“Dan, that’s not how this works. What you went through, it-”  
“It was bad BDSM. But you’re good. You’re a good dom. Show me what it’s _really_ supposed to be like. Teach me how to be a good sub.”  
The determination in Dan’s voice faltered a bit as he added, “Please, Arin.”  
Arin didn’t answer. He looked at Dan; tired, frail, trembling, sad Dan… but he knew that underneath all that, there was determination and strength. If he felt like this was what he needed, who was Arin to deny him?  
He swallowed. This was an awful lot of trust, an awful lot of responsibility. He needed to be delicate about this.  
“Okay,” he finally agreed. “We’ll keep doing it. But we’re gonna tone it down. The intensity has been way too high, considering your… situation.” He gestured to Dan, who nodded. “I can try to teach you, but you have to promise that you’ll work on it with me, Dan. This isn’t just about learning how to do kink, it’s about unlearning how not to do it, which is, well, much more difficult. It’s like building blocks. If the foundation is laid wrong, everything goes wrong. We need to bulldoze the bad base and make a whole new one.”  
“Like jenga?” Dan asked. Arin half nodded, half shrugged.  
“Sure, yeah, like jenga. Eat your crackers. Are you really sure about this, though?”  
Dan mulled it over for a bit as he chewed on a cracker.  
“I feel like… if I just leave it alone, it’s always gonna be there, right under the surface. But if we could turn it into something good, then maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much,” he mumbled. “I know it’s gonna be hard work, but I feel like it’s the right thing to do.”  
Arin nodded. Honestly, he’d rather that Dan got some counseling, but he wasn’t sure there were any therapists who would be able to help without painting BDSM as something horrifying. He made a mental note to himself to ask next time he was at the club downtown. But right now, what mattered the most was the man in front of him. He could tell that Dan needed someone to be tender and take care of him, so he reached his hand across the table and stroked Dan’s arm.  
“Let’s take it easy for the rest of the day. Or night, I guess,” he added as he glanced at the clock on the wall, which showed that it was early evening by now. “We can watch a movie, if you want? And just relax and stuff. How’s that sound?”  
Dan put his hand over Arin’s and gave a tired smile.  
“That sounds amazing.”  
And for once, he wasn’t lying.

“What’s our safe word for stopping, Dan?”  
“Circus.”  
“And for slowing down?”  
“Pineapple.”  
“Good boy.” Arin kissed Dan’s temple, earning a small hum from the other man. Arin stroked his arm, noticing the goosebumps already littering Dan’s skin.  
“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” he asked. Dan nodded. He felt ready. The night Arin had spent at Dan’s house after the fight, they’d talked things through. Arin had managed to get Dan to open up about the things he couldn’t handle, like how he hated being hit, and how he hated being called a slut.  
Arin had felt horrible about that, knowing they were things he’d done, even though Dan kept reminding him that he hadn’t known.  
They really needed to work on their communication skills, and they’d tried. Tonight, Arin had made sure to tell Dan what he had planned for the scene, so Dan knew what was coming and could opt out before it even began. It was probably the most vanilla BDSM Arin had ever done, but he was scared of taking it further until he was certain Dan could handle it.  
Currently, Dan’s wrists and ankles were cuffed against the bedframe, and he couldn’t see anything due to the blindfold Arin had gently put on him. That was all it was going to be; some rough sex while Dan was tied up and blinded.  
It was quiet in the bedroom for a second, the only sound being their breathing and Arin shifting on the bed. Then,  
“Spread your legs for me, Daniel.”  
The use of Dan’s full middle name signaled that Arin had entered his dom mode, and Dan immediately obeyed, metal chains clinking as he moved his legs apart.  
He felt Arin’s hands on his thighs, spreading his legs even further apart - then a hand under his ass, lifting him up a little. Something sticky and cold was applied to his hole; lube, he guessed.  
He sensed Arin hovering over him, and he longed to reach his hands up and stroke his hair, but the cuffs were holding him back, and he knew better than to start struggling already. That would come later.  
It only dawned on him that Arin had yet to stretch him out moments before the younger man entered him. Dan couldn’t hold back a whine of pain at the sensation, but then he instantly shut up as a familiar feeling immediately came over him.  
_You’re not supposed to whine like a little bitch._  
As if punctuating the statement, Arin - who had pulled backwards - thrust back into Dan’s entrance.  
“You gonna be good tonight, Daniel?” he heard Arin’s voice slightly to the left above him as the thrusts continued. He nodded, but this only earned him a hard pull on his hair, reminding him to use his words. The pain against his scalp only hurt enough to turn him on, and he felt his cock twitch with pleasure, reacting to the physical stimuli despite his mind going to dark places.  
“Y-yes, sir. I’ll be so good, I’ll be so good for you,” he said breathlessly, trying to push the intrusive thoughts to the back of his mind and just enjoy being at the mercy of his dom. Arin hummed above him and connected their lips in a kiss, before trailing down and biting the sensitive skin on Dan’s neck.  
Dan immediately felt how it sent shivers down his body, and he tightened his walls around Arin’s girth, earning a moan from the younger man, who in turn bit Dan’s shoulder. He started sucking there, and Dan already knew it was going to be visible the next day.  
Arin made his pace faster, harder, and his nails left small crescent shapes on Dan’s skin.  
It was going too fast. Dan wasn’t stretched enough. It hurt, and not in the good way that gave Dan that sweet high he normally yearned for when in sub-mode, when he was completely helpless and letting someone else take over and guide him. This hurt in another way. A bad way.  
Arin fastened his hand in Dan’s hair once again, but it was too rough for comfort - Dan was just about to say pineapple, ask Arin to slow down, when it felt as if something held him back.  
He didn’t dare ask. What if Arin got angry, or disappointed? What if everything he’d said had just been a lie, a façade so they could continue like this?  
What if Arin had meant to leave him, until Dan talked him into continuing, and now it was back to the way it had always been?  
What if…  
What if he really did say _pineapple_ , and Arin didn’t care?  
The disappointment would hurt more than the pain he was feeling right now. He was so scared, he couldn’t risk it, couldn’t risk Arin leaving him, couldn’t risk being abandoned again-  
He only realized that he’d shut his eyes tightly in pain, when Arin’s words finally got through to him. Fleetingly, he noticed that Arin had stopped his thrusts and removed Dan’s blindfold.  
“Dan? Dan, hey, look at me.”  
He opened his eyes, but for a short moment, while the light was still too bright and everything was blurry, it was as if he didn’t see Arin - the silhouette belonged to someone else, it wasn’t Arin, it was her, he was right back there with her.  
Something between a gasp and a scream wretched itself from his throat, and he tried to scoot back on the bed, but the cuffs held him in place, painfully tugging at his ankles as he strained against them, skin immediately hurting from the sudden pressure.  
Arin quickly pulled out of him and went to his side, placing a hand on each of his shoulders to stop him from thrashing around and hurting himself. When this didn’t work, he firmly cradled him against his chest. At first Dan felt trapped, struggling to get free of Arin’s hold, eyes wide and unseeing as he panicked, but Arin’s voice was slowly grounding him back in reality as he rocked him back and forth.  
“Dan, it’s okay, hey, come back to me. Come back to me, baby. Shhh… It’s okay… It’s over, it’s over, relax…”  
“I’m so sorry, fuck, I’m so sorry…” Dan managed to choke out, tears already running down his cheeks. He was struggling to breathe, he could feel himself trembling against Arin’s body, his ankles hurt like hell, but most importantly, he was still scared, even if he knew it hadn’t been real, even if it had only been a short moment.  
“I thought you were _her_ for a second, I-I don’t know why, it just happened, I-”  
“You’re safe,” Arin said firmly, stroking Dan’s hair. Their positions were awkward, since Dan was still tied up, but Arin held him as best as he could. “I won’t let her hurt you. I’m right here, Dan. Slow down, remember to breathe.”  
Dan tried adjusting his breathing, tried to match it with Arin’s, but it was difficult with all the adrenaline pumping through his body. When he finally succeeded, Arin kissed his forehead and moved to unchain him from his bindings.  
His right ankle was a little swollen, and an angry red imprint of the cuff adorned his skin. Otherwise, physically, he was okay - aside from his stinging backside, of course. When Arin had finally freed him, he sat up and raked a hand through his hair, closing his eyes and letting out a trembling sigh as he did so.  
He’d been so sure he’d be able to handle it. When they’d gone over the scene, he’d felt fairly confident. It was as vanilla as could be, but she had been on his mind, because of his and Arin’s talk, which was probably the reason why it had happened. Stupid. He felt stupid for letting it happen.  
He rested his elbow on his knee, hand still in his hair, and looked at Arin through heavy-lidded eyes.  
His boyfriend was looking at him with that worried frown Dan had come to know so well. Dan reached out the hand that wasn’t currently in his hair, and Arin took it, holding it gently and squeezing a bit.  
“I could tell you were uncomfortable, but I didn’t expect this,” Arin said, voice soft. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me to stop? You _promised_ you would.”  
It didn’t feel like he was blaming him, but there was a light scolding to his tone. Dan looked at their hands and shrugged helplessly.  
“I… I got scared,” he admitted. “I’m sorry…”  
Arin shuffled closer and gently pulled Dan into a hug. Dan rested his cheek against Arin’s shoulder. It felt like his skin was buzzing - probably from the adrenaline, or his bout of near-hyperventilating.  
“Don’t be. Let’s just try to do better next time,” Arin assured him. “We’re not gonna get through this without a few bumps in the road. Just… please try to use the safe words, Dan.”  
Dan nodded. Arin was right. They were gonna get through this, somehow. He knew it would take time and effort to build up trust. Even if he felt like he already trusted Arin, he also knew that there was room for improvement… And he was gonna work as hard as he could to get there.

“I need to shave,” Dan observed as he rubbed a hand over his stubbly chin, frowning at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. It had been one of those long, humid summer days where he and Arin had been tucked away at the Grump Space, recording for hours on end with an AC that was barely working half of the time. He was still too warm, even after having just stepped out of the shower; droplets of water made their way down his skin, cooling it off. He only had a towel wrapped around his waist, and his hair was still dripping, making him shiver a little in the chilly bathroom.  
Arin made his way over and wrapped his arms around his wet boyfriend, planting a small kiss between Dan’s shoulder blades.  
“Don’t shave tonight. Wait until tomorrow, or it’ll grow back while we sleep.”  
After recording, they had gone back to Dan’s place to chill. Arin had showered first, while Dan did the laundry, then they’d switched. They had entertained the idea of showering together, but discarded it when Dan remembered it was his turn with the laundry-chore. He knew Barry wouldn’t be angry with him for forgetting - after all, he’d noticed something was wrong with Dan pretty quickly - but still, Dan would feel bad if he didn’t do it despite knowing it was his turn.  
Dan hummed in appreciation of Arin’s kiss, turning around in his arms so he was facing him, a warm smile spread on his lips, even if he was getting goosebumps from the cold.  
Arin slid his hands down to rest on Dan’s hips, swaying them both gently from side to side in an almost-slowdance. Arin’s hair was still wrapped in a towel, and he was once again wearing one of Barry’s pajamas. They had joked earlier that he should just let some of his own clothing stay at the house, but honestly, Arin was starting to consider it seriously.  
Things were better than last time Arin had had to wear Barry’s pajamas. Dan was slowly getting back to his old, goofy self, partly thanks to Arin being there to reassure him and guide him along the way. They had tried out a few more scenes. Sometimes they finished them, and other times they had to be cut short, either by Dan saying the safe words, or Arin noticing that Dan was uncomfortable. Dan was getting better at being honest. Arin was being more perceptive. They were trying to deal with the situation the best they could.  
But tonight wasn’t a new session. Tonight was movie night.  
“Dry yourself off so we can start the movie, okay?” Arin said softly, brushing a stray lock of wet hair away from Dan’s face. “I’ll make us some popcorn in the meantime.”  
“What’re we watching?” Dan asked, voice low and breathy, eyes fluttered closed from Arin’s touch. Arin’s hand came down to cup Dan’s cheek, thumb gently caressing his cheekbone, and Dan leaned into it, shoulders sagging as he felt himself relax.  
“Well, unless you turn into a puddle at my feet, we’re watching either Terminator or Jurassic Park. Your choice. Just… don’t collapse on the floor, bro,” Arin joked. Dan smirked and draped his lanky body over Arin’s, hanging against his shoulders as he giggled into his chest. He heard Arin sigh dramatically and start to drag Dan towards the door, but then he felt something else…  
“Dude, your ass is showing,” Arin laughed, and Dan glanced at the towel that was now on the floor tiles and shrugged, still hanging on his boyfriend.  
“‘s not like you haven’t seen my ass before,” he giggled. “You’ve done more than just see it, to be honest.”  
“Well yeah, but I didn’t plan on seeing it tonight, ya doof,” Arin chuckled as he heaved Dan back up into a standing position. When they were finally face to face, he leaned in, but didn’t kiss Dan on the lips; instead, he booped their noses together in an eskimo kiss, making Dan scrunch up his face as he laughed.  
“Alright, alright, I’ll put on some clothes. Usually you’re eager to get me naked. You’re sending some mixed signals, Arin,” he joked. Arin just smirked and squeezed Dan’s naked butt, earning a small yelp from the other man before he made his way into the kitchen to make the popcorn.  
When he emerged from the kitchen a little later, he found Dan - now clothed in his boxers and an oversized t-shirt - sitting on the couch, holding the DVD case to Terminator in one hand as he absentmindedly rubbed his shoulder with his other hand. Arin walked over and placed the bowl of popcorn on the small coffee table before plucking the DVD from Dan’s hand, quickly putting it into the machine and turning it on.  
When he turned around, Dan held out his arms while a pout adorned his face, eyes wide and head slightly tilted. He looked like a wet puppy, and Arin couldn’t hold back his laughter as he joined Dan on the couch, the two of them snuggling up against each other as the TV went to the DVD menu screen. They’d been sitting in front of a TV all day, recording for hours, but they were still content with also spending their night in front of one.  
Dan nuzzled his face against Arin’s neck and planted a few kisses there. Dan’s stubbly beard was tickling Arin’s skin, making the younger snicker and try to get away. This only earned him another puppy-eyed look from Dan, but Arin had other plans. After all, he’d been trying to be more perceptive lately.  
“I noticed you rubbing your shoulder earlier,” he said while the Terminator killed a woman on the screen. “Are you feeling okay?”  
“Yeah, just still a little sore from last time,” Dan admitted, thinking back to their last… escapade. It had involved a tricky angle, and while he’d been fine as they were doing it, he had noticed his muscles protesting in the days after.  
Arin frowned and mentioned for Dan to turn. As he did so, Arin cracked his knuckles, and then slowly started kneading into Dan’s skin, earning a relieved sigh from him.  
“You should’ve told me, Dan,” Arin said in that not-quite-but-almost scolding tone he would sometimes use. Dan shook his head.  
“I wasn’t uncomfortable _during_. Maybe it’s also the fact I’ve been sitting in front of the computer for too long,” he tried to reason. Arin let out a small huff and leaned in to kiss the nape of Dan’s neck.  
“Alright, I’ll let you off the hook, I guess,” he sighed. “Just relax now, okay? I want you to be comfortable. You’ve been through a lot lately.”  
“I’m not made of glass, Arin,” Dan retorted, although he couldn’t deny that the massage was a nice break from the stress and worries he’d been going through.  
“I know. But still. Let me take care of you for a bit, Tumbleweed,” Arin smiled. The sweetness of the situation was contrasted by someone screaming as the Terminator still searched for Sarah Connor. Arin and Dan were both sitting sideways on the couch and only glancing at the television from time to time, popcorn seemingly forgotten as Arin gently rubbed Dan’s shoulders before working down to his back. When he’d been all over, he pulled Dan close, and they both ended up snuggling, Arin leaning against the armrest and Dan on top of him.  
Arin was playing with Dan’s damp hair, and Dan could feel his eyelids growing heavy. He could hear Arin’s heartbeat, and the steady rhythm was slowly lulling him to sleep.  
At some point, Arin guided him into bed. He wasn’t quite awake at that point. All he really focused on was how Arin held him close and whispered in his ear - something soothing, although he couldn’t make out what, exactly. But he felt safe, and warm, and he knew Arin wasn’t going to hurt him. It was okay. Honestly, it was perfect.

It’s a few weeks later that Arin’s phone starts ringing in the middle of his lunch break. His hands are sore from animating since early in the morning, and it takes him a second to fiddle around before he actually manages to pick up the call, but when he hears the voice on the other end of the line, he instantly forgets his sore fingers and the paleo on the table in front of him.  
“Hey Arin, are you busy right now?” Dan’s voice comes through, although it’s a bit hard to make out.  
“No, no, I’m eating lunch. Can you speak louder? I can barely hear you.”  
“Oh, sorry, it’s in hands-free mode. I’m driving. Hang on…” The sound of fingers tapping against the touchscreen of Dan’s oversized iPhone, and then his voice again, albeit much clearer his time;  
“Better now?”  
“Lots. What’s up? I thought you were gonna do stuff with Brent and Brian today?” Arin asks, shoveling a forkful of paleo-filled salad in his mouth.  
“Yeah, we’re just taking a break and I offered to go out and find us some lunch. Gave me an opportunity to talk to you without Brian hovering,” Dan jokes. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”  
“Yeah? What is it?”  
A pause. Arin briefly glances at his phone, wondering if the call disconnected, but no, Dan is still there, just hesitating.  
“Dan? Is… Is something wrong?”  
“I…” Dan begins, then audibly takes a deep breath before continuing, as Arin takes a bite of bread. “I want to do a scene. Can we do it soon?”  
Arin nearly chokes on the mouthful of bread, lamenting how cartoonish it must look from an outside perspective. But an outside perspective wouldn’t know that Arin’s boyfriend, borderline traumatized and slowly healing, just took one of the biggest steps possible by trying to initiate a session.  
Arin swallows the bread, and can’t help but smile widely. But the silence between Dan’s question and Arin un-choking has lasted longer than Dan had the courage for;  
“I-I mean, if it’s okay. I don’t want to pressure you-”  
“Dan, no no no, it’s _great_! I just almost choked on my lunch.”  
“More than I’d choke on your dick?” Dan quips. Arin is glad to not have anything in his mouth as he hears it.  
“Whoa.”  
“...was that too much?” A nervous laugh, punctuated by the clicking sound of the blinker in the car being turned on. Arin smirks.  
“Nah, man. You’re just giving me ideas. Are you free on Saturday?”  
“I’m all yours.”

Saturday night rolls around, and Dan pulls into Arin’s driveway wearing nothing but a fuzzy bathrobe. He hasn’t prepared Arin for this; figures it’ll be a nice surprise.  
He leans seductively against the doorframe after ringing the bell, smirk plastered on his face, heavy-lidded bedroom eyes ready to kiss Arin the moment he answers the door.  
He’s fiddling a bit with the sash on his robe when he hears the lock click, and it takes him a split second more than he was prepared for. Thank god for that, he later thinks; because it isn’t Arin in the doorway, but Suzy, and if he’d kissed her in nothing but his bathrobe, things would be… awkward.  
She freezes in the doorway and looks Dan up and down; his robe is obscuring his crotch, but there’s a gratuitous view of his chest, and both of them blush considerably before Suzy bursts out laughing.  
“Oh gosh, I’m sorry, I’m not laughing at you, Dan,” she reassures him. “Just… Damn. Kind of an eyeful to get right before going out.”  
“...you sure you can drive after seeing this intoxicating view?” Dan asks jokingly, trying to make the whole situation lighter. He can hear Arin’s footsteps getting closer. So much for that plan.  
“I dunno. I hope I won’t get pulled over,” Suzy smiles before turning around and kissing Arin’s cheek. “You two have fun, now. Don’t burn the house down while I’m gone,” she says, giving Dan’s shoulder a squeeze before making her way past him and towards the car, still giggling.  
Dan and Arin stand there and wave as she drives off, and then Arin’s mouth is suddenly incredibly close to Dan’s face. He can feel his boyfriend’s hot breath tickle against the shell of his ear.  
“You look great, but as much as I love that robe on you, I would prefer seeing it on the floor of my bedroom,” Arin says in a low voice. Dan holds back a giggle; did Arin just use one of those cheesy pick-up lines they always make fun of on the show?  
He turns to face him and pulls him in for a kiss, but it’s a fleeting thing. Arin pulls away and gives Dan a stern look.  
“Who said you could kiss me, Daniel?”  
Ah. So the game has already started, Dan figures.  
“Please, Arin… I want to show you how much I love you,” he says, voice soft and submissive already. “Please let me show you how good I can be for you, sir…”  
Arin seems to ponder this for a moment before nodding.  
“Fine. If you really want to show me, come in here, and close the door. Our neighbours aren’t paying to watch me fuck your beautiful face.”  
Dan immediately stepped inside, using his foot to close the door behind him before he sank to his knees and undid Arin’s belt at a speed that would have won the gold medal if it were an Olympic sport. Arin’s cock sprang free, already at half-mast, and Dan licked his lips at the sight before letting his tongue trail up and down the length, earning a pleased sigh from the man above him.  
The blowjob that followed was rough, sloppy, and incredibly wet; Arin’s hands were fastened in Dan’s hair, and just like they’d talked about on the phone a few days earlier, he made Dan choke more than once, relishing in the soft, strangled whines the singer made as it happened.  
Dan swallowed Arin’s load, earning him the praise of being “such a good boy”, and Arin knelt down in front of Dan and kissed him, tasting himself on his lover’s lips.  
“We’re not done yet, Daniel,” he said huskily in his ear once they parted. “Get up and follow me.”  
Dan scrambled to his feet and trailed after Arin. On the way, he noticed Mimi staring at him with her big eyes. If it weren’t for the fact that her brain was the size of Dan’s pinky-nail, he would have thought that she was traumatized for life. Honestly though, she was probably just hungry.  
The bedroom was the way Dan had come to know it; heat turned up, blinds drawn, the light dimmed, and preparations already made by his ever-vigilant dom.  
Arin ordered him to lie on his back, and as he did so, Arin slid over him and captured him in a kiss, biting down on his lower lip with a force that sent bursts of tingling arousal all the way through Dan’s body. A hand was fastened in his hair as Arin kissed him roughly, making him gasp for breath as they parted. He leaned in to continue the kiss, but Arin planted a firm hand on Dan’s naked chest and pushed him back into the mattress.  
“Not yet,” he said, eyes darkened by lust. He stripped himself of the black t-shirt he’d been wearing, so he was completely naked now - pants and boxers still abandoned at the front door - and reached for the handcuffs already hanging on the bed frame. It only took him seconds to tie Dan up, the routine being ingrained in him by now, making sure they didn’t cut off circulation but also weren’t so loose that Dan could slip out of them, even with his bony wrists.  
“You gonna be a good boy for me tonight? Gonna follow the rules?” he asked as he chained Dan’s ankles to the other end of the bed.  
“So good. I’m gonna be so good for you, master, I swear, I’ll be-”  
“Good. Let’s get going, then,” Arin said with a satisfied smirk, giving the chains a tug as he kept a close eye on Dan’s face before traveling back up. He started kissing and nibbling at Dan’s skin right over his waistline, sending shivers down Dan’s spine. At the same time, Arin’s hands were traveling over Dan’s inner thighs, blunt nails marking him with scratches. He squeezed the supple flesh hard, and Dan couldn’t hold back a small moan at the sensation, hips already bucking a bit. This made Arin raise his head and look at Dan with a cocked brow before he sat up straight and reached for the lube.  
“Gonna get you nice and slick so you can take my cock like the good sub you are,” he said. At the mention of being a good sub, Dan hummed happily and raised his ass a little so Arin could gain better access. He relished in the praise as Arin spread the lube against his sensitive rim, and when his dom sank in two fingers at once, the pleasure rippled through Dan’s body as his member grew hard.  
“Want me to fuck you? Is that it? Wanna take my cock, huh?” Arin asked, and Dan nodded feverishly.  
“Yes, please, please sir, I want you to fill me up, please, I’ll do anything,” he moaned, words barely forming sentences as he let himself go, ready to be at Arin’s mercy. Arin stretched him out, and leaned down to bite Dan’s thigh, sucking on it and knowing there would be a hickey tomorrow, marking Dan as his. The thought alone aroused him, and he knew he was ready to enter, but he wanted to make sure that Dan was ready, too. With his free hand, he took Dan’s and gave it a small, questioning squeeze, which was resolutely returned almost immediately. That was all the confirmation Arin needed; he let go of Dan’s hand and lubed himself up, entering and feeling the warmth and tightness of Dan all around him. They both moaned at the sensation as Arin sank in. Dan wanted to reach out and grasp Arin, pull him in for a kiss, but all he could do was strain against the cuffs around his wrists, making him whine at the lack of control - but even with the whine, he was enjoying the feeling of helplessness, because he knew Arin would be there no matter what; Arin was the one that held the key to his freedom, and he trusted him.  
Arin started moving, pulling in and out steadily, building up a rhythm as he sucked on one of Dan’s nipples, licking and biting the perked, reddened bud. He traveled upwards, kissing his collarbone and neck, tugging on his curly hair, and all of it sent jolts of what felt like electricity right down to Dan’s leaking cock.  
God, Dan wanted Arin to pay attention to his cock.  
As if the animator had read his mind, he pulled back a little and looked into Dan’s eyes, brown meeting brown, and the dark smirk from earlier came back as he still moved in and out of Dan’s entrance.  
“Tell me how much you want me to jack you off while I fuck you raw,” Arin ordered. Dan tried to hold back a moan, but the effort was fruitless.  
“So much. I’m aching for you, my master, please, please take care of me, I’ve been a good boy,” he begged. Arin let out a thoughtful hum and let his fingers, still sticky with lube, trace Dan’s clean-shaven jaw.  
“I think I just might… But be careful what you wish for, my love,” he growled. The promise of things to come made Dan shiver, and Arin kissed the goosebumps rising on his skin as he made his way down towards Dan’s cock.  
An odd sound started resonating through the room, and Dan lifted his head to see what was going on. It sounded like… a hair trimmer? Was Arin going to cut his hair?  
Arin noticed Dan’s confusion, and slowed his pace as he held up the object for him to see. It wasn’t an electric razor. It was a vibrator.  
Dan’s eyes grew wide as he looked at the long, shiny toy in Arin’s hands, and Arin crawled up and started looming over Dan, lightly putting the vibrator against his clavicle. The vibrating sensation forced an ungodly sound over Dan’s lips as he craned his head back, and Arin bit down hard, sucking on his skin as he traced the tip of the vibrator over Dan’s upper body, somehow managing to find all of Dan’s sensitive spots, making him jerk his hips gracelessly as he longed for some kind of friction.  
He then felt Arin’s strong hands wrapping around his neck, squeezing the skin and making the older gasp for breath as Arin pounded into him with new vigor. He swallowed thickly as Arin tightened his grip, praising Dan for presenting his beautiful neck like that for him to take. The arousal buzzed just as much as the vibrator currently circling around on his stomach, but the way Arin held Dan’s neck made him shiver as he remembered the last time he’d been choked, and he used some of his air to tap out.  
“Please, Arin… Let go, I… don’t like this…”  
He saw uncertainty in Arin’s eyes, just for a short second, and remembered what he had to do.  
“Pineapple, Arin.”  
Arin immediately let go, leaving Dan to gasp for breath as Arin smoothed some of his unruly hair. He leaned in and kissed Dan’s earlobe.  
“You okay?” he whispered, vibrator no longer traveling over Dan’s sunkissed skin, but still bussing in just one spot, the same sweet spot that Arin had kissed at the beginning of the scene, and Dan nodded reassuringly, wanting to get back to what they were doing, because fuck, his cock was throbbing and already leaking precum.  
“Proud of ya,” Arin praised as he went back to teasing his partner mercilessly, finding Dan’s g-spot and taking advantage of it. Dan whole body was on fire, and the imagination alone of Arin stroking his cock with the vibrator while hitting Dan’s prostate was enough to make Dan mewl a string of high pitched almost-words as he tried to beg.  
Arin placed the vibrator at the base of Dan’s cock, and started circling until he reached the underside of it, from which he slowly trailed up towards the head, all while hitting Dan’s g-spot with hard, shallow thrusts.  
Just before he reached the tip, he moved the vibrator away, instead teasing one of Dan’s nipples with it, causing Dan to whine at the sudden lack of stimuli. Arin moved it slowly down Dan’s chest, feeling every bump from his ribs on the way, lightly stroking the side of Dan’s torso, making him squirm as he spoke nonsense and gasped for air, straining against the cuffs because he instinctively wanted to touch himself, to get himself off since Arin wasn’t touching his dick.  
Arin remembered what Dan had told him about going nonverbal once he was entering his subspace, and briefly wondered if that was what was happening. He leaned up and took one of Dan’s hands in his own, squeezing it and keeping an eye on Dan’s expression, trying to make sure he wasn’t hurting him. Dan’s eyes had rolled to the back of his head; his lips were parted slightly, swollen from kissing and biting, and he was glowing in a way that Arin had never seen before, vanilla sex or not.  
“Daniel?” he asked as he kept thrusting. “You still with me?”  
Dan let out a high pitched noise and gave Arin’s hand a light squeeze. He was about to float, and Arin would feel bad for interrupting it, since it had been so long since Dan had last entered subspace, so he kept up the pace while letting the toy in his hand travel up and down on the underside of Dan’s length, moving it faster and applying more and more pressure, circling the head before traveling down to the base again, changing between using the tip and the side.  
Dan had started moaning every time Arin thrust deeply into him, the sound growing more and more desperate, until he suddenly came, long and hard, painting their chests with his cum, shoulders tense, wrists and ankles straining against their bindings as he arched his back.  
The sight alone made Arin come almost immediately after, filling Dan up, earning him another moan as Dan visibly relaxed, growing limp under Arin’s body.  
Arin pulled out, still panting, and brushed some of his hair away from his face, inwardly lamenting about how he should have put it up in a bun before they started this. He felt sweaty and gross, but also riding on a high, because holy shit, he hadn’t gotten a reaction like that from Dan before.  
Dan had completely collapsed against the mattress, hands hanging limply from the handcuffs, eyes half-lidded and unseeing as he was lost in a hazy fog of pleasure. Arin smiled warmly. This was what they had been working towards for so long, and he felt so proud of Dan, not only for trusting Arin enough to let himself go, but also for using their slow-down word earlier. He made a mental note of telling Dan this when he came back down, but for now, the older man was completely at Arin’s mercy, and the last thing Arin wanted was to screw that up.  
He unchained Dan, starting with his ankles, noticing that they would need some of the aloe vera cream from the dresser. His wrists were released next, and Arin _almost_ pulled a blanket over Dan before mentally kicking himself, remembering Dan’s weird sweat glands and the risk of overheating. So instead, he decided to pull him a little more up on the bed so he could rest properly on the pillows against the headboard. As he gently lifted Dan’s upper body, he made sure to support his head, since Dan was completely out of it and basically a warm, snuggly ragdoll at this point. Arin kissed his temple as he laid him against the pillows, softly murmuring how well Dan had done, taking his hand and gently stroking his knuckles, earning a happy sigh and a small smile from him.  
“There you are… Take your time to come back. You’re not in a hurry. Don’t stress,” Arin said lovingly, voice low as he reached for the drawer, opening it and retrieving a few wet wipes to clean them up, as well as the ointment for Dan’s wrists and ankles. He took care of them both with only one hand, the other never letting go of Dan’s, as he slowly coaxed him back to reality.  
It took some time before Dan really looked at Arin. His hair was wild, his body still buzzing, and he felt a warm fatigue settle in his bones as Arin kissed him.  
“You with me, Dan?” he was asked, and nodded. He wasn’t ready to talk yet, but he could understand, and Arin smiled and stroked his cheek with his hand.  
“Welcome back,” he greeted him. “You did so good. I’m proud of you,” he praised him. “When you feel ready, sit up, you need to drink something before you sleep.”  
Arin constantly kept a hand on Dan’s shoulder to support him as he sat up, not wanting him to topple over. He remembered what he’d promised them both that day, the day they’d been fighting and Dan had revealed everything. He would always be there to catch him.  
Dan leaned against Arin, putting his head on the younger’s wide shoulder, and gave a content sigh as Arin gently rubbed his back.  
“I love you,” Dan said under his breath, turning so they could see each other properly. Arin cupped Dan’s face in his hands and rested their foreheads against each others’, sharing eye contact for a moment. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy all the time; Dan could still relapse into not using the safe words. But they’d made progress, and they would continue to do that to the best of their abilities.  
“I love you too, Tumbleweed,” Arin answered, leaning in and kissing him.  
It takes time to build up trust. Time and effort from both sides. But they knew they’d get there.

-end.


End file.
